Alienation in the Post Cold War Era
Chapter 15
Objectivity as a
Requirement for Love
(page 2)
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The subjective and weak ego of most people stands in contrast to the objective person who no longer feels so deeply separated from the self, the community and nature. We can say that the pervasive negative emotions that grip people in our society — anger, hostility, fear, anxiety, depression, misgiving, mistrust, contempt, hate (and so on) — exist because of the failure to be independent and objective, and the incapability to combine these qualities with faith in growth and self love. We capitulate to the profound pressure to conform, and become depended on the herd for approval — all which incapacitate our potential for humanistic love, and maximize feelings associated with anxiety, fears and the fragility of the ego.
In this respect, it is critical to distinguish between approval and acceptance. The insecure person in our society needs constant approval to soothe the terrified ego that constantly experiences the pain of separateness. Such a person needs approval because she/he cannot reach the independent-self and use objectivity to penetrate the self and the others. But a person who can use objective reasoning and who can experience independent growth does not need an irrational approval but a rational acceptance: “I see you as you are with your real contradictions, and I accept you as a different person than me and from me. Our differences are not a threat to me. They are a source for strength that comes from respect for each other independence. With our mutual inner strength, the differences are a source for exploration for deeper connection and love. I similarly want you to accept me and the differences between us and love me as I am”. The more we develop the power of objectivity and independence, the more we can rely on our positive feelings and trust them to be there as we grow. Thus the more objective we are and the greater is our positive emotional maturity the less we need others’ approval and the more we can emotionally accept people as they are with their internal contradictions.
The Striving for Objectivity Is a Sign of Emotional Maturity and Humanistic Growth
Objectivity is a sign of maturity. It is a sign that one overcame the childish stage of life in which one is driven by insecure feelings that are associated with the dependency of the child on others. It is not an accident that many people can feel compassion toward their parents only when they reach the middle of their adulthood, when they no longer hold the anger of the child who suffered from the parents’ crippled way of raising him/her. When some people gain enough maturity as they reach the middle age, they can be more objective and see their parents as they are. They see the parents’ pains and suffering without the distortion of anger, and thus they can feel compassion toward them.
As I mentioned earlier, complete objectivity may never be possible because some subjective feelings and desires are always in existence to some extend. But by striving for objectivity we minimize the basic features of the present character which include subjective distortion of life and reality, that is, a fundamental lack of ability to see the real dynamic of life. In a world where exploitation and possession of others will stop being the essence of relatedness to each other, the mind will be freed to see people and things as they are. Nature will stop being a place to exploit and destroy for a distorted pleasure and possession — it will became a scenery to see and enjoy as it is. When we’ll be free from the present capitalistic type psyche, we will be able to be more aware and objective; we will no longer be driven by fears, insecurities, irrational greed, and desires. When the enlivened psyche sees life as it is and is no longer driven by fears of it, a new character will emerge. The strive for greater objectivity will be an essential part of the new character. The positive humanistic feelings of such a character will develop from the ability to be independent, objective and deeply grounded to the self and nature. From such genuine independence people will be able to achieve real unity with others — that is, unity which is not driven by fears and anxiety to avoid separateness, but by the genuine growth of the individual and society as a whole.
The less anxious we become, the more objective we are, and the more we can experience others and ourselves from a state of being in which we are in touch with the real, non-distorted reality and life. The more the person develops the ability to penetrate the living reality and see its dynamic contradictions, the more the person is in touch with reality and life, as well as his/her real feelings and nature. Thus, the more objective the person gets, the more mature the person becomes. As a result, the person becomes less alienated from the self and others, and the greater becomes his/her ability to experience love without fears. As we begin to experience the non-conditioned part of ourselves and others, we enhance our ability to experience real happiness and non-threatening sadness.
To be objective I must strive to view everything as it is. That means that I must strive to see the social order as it is and how it is reflected in people, including the most intimate people in my life:
“Reason is a faculty which must be practiced, in order to develop, and it is indivisible. By this I mean that the faculty for objectivity refers to the knowledge of nature as well as to the knowledge of man, of society and of oneself. If one lives in illusions about one sector of life, one’s capacity for reason is restricted or damages, and thus the use of reason is inhibited with regard to all other sectors. Reason in this respect is like love. Just as love is an orientation which refers to all objects and is incompatible with the restriction to one object, so is reason a human faculty which must embrace the whole of the world with which man is confronted.”2
Thus to be objective and to love one must overcome narcissism and the incestuous ties to the family, race and nation. To reach that one must gain the capacity to be independent — to be capable to break with the pressure to conform, to be part of the herd. The subjective person needs constant approval; thus he/she always wants to please by thinking and feeling like the rest of the social group and the small clique that he/she belongs. Such a person cannot separate the desire to conform to the group — which is based on fears of becoming a lonely social outcast — from the real nature of the group. Hence such a person cannot separate the irrational dependency on the group from rest of the external world outside the group. Thus, the average person, which is weak and dependent on group pressure, can easily be manipulated by public opinion and pressure. As long as the average persons cannot break from the mentality of the herd (group, nation), they can easily be manipulated by the demagogue. In fact the outcome of “democracy” and democratic vote in our system has much more to do with the skill of the demagogue than real democracy, that is based on the ability of the people to be objective and independent. Many people realize that politics are corrupted and that people’s vote is influenced by demagogic appeals. But they do not realize that such emotional and subjective manipulations spread to the rest of people’s life. One cannot be emotionally dependent in regard to politics and be loving and objective when it comes to the family and the self. The capacity to use reasoning in regard to the influence of the social order and its culture is inseparable from the ability to be objective in regard to the self and others in the daily life.
To love I must first be able see myself objectively, without the distortion of anxiety and fears that are so deeply ingrained in our conditioned social make-up. Then I can overcome the subjective illusions about my eminence and righteousness, and be able to relate to my friend from my objectivity coupled with real untwisted humanistic feelings such as joy, sadness at time, compassion, trust, acceptance, and the growth of positive feelings between us. In sum, objectivity is essential for humanistic growth.
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[2] Eric Fromm, The Sane Society, page 65.